Cultivating self-compassion in the youth:
Teens are exposed to many pressures in their environment such as the desire to fit well in school and being “good enough”. It’s no surprise that such pressures can lead to self-criticism, self-doubt, and lack of confidence, even if it may or may not be apparent. These pressures can have a big impact on a teen’s life, ultimately leading to a diminished self-worth.
Self-compassion &Self-esteem
With a range of influences that can push a teen or young adult to fall victim to different pressures, it can be really tough to feel good about oneself, impacting how the youth actually perceives themselves physically, emotionally and socially. Understanding the function of self-esteem and self-compassion in relation to this topic can be worthwhile for teens, young adults, and caregivers to explore.
Definition of self-esteem:
Self-esteem is the value that a person places in themselves and as a result, these impacts one’s self perception. Self-evaluations, comparisons, and critiques can occur at a conscious level but also at a subconscious level when they occur automatically. This usually happens when self-evaluations have occurred as a natural and ongoing response. This value is usually drawn from external comparisons and standards. High self-esteem leads to positive regard for the self while low self-esteem creates a negative perception of the self.
Definition of self-compassion:
Self-compassion as described by Dr. Kristin Neff, involves extending nurturing care and empathy towards yourself that you would extend towards a friend. It is comprised of three concepts including: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-compassion aims to foster interconnectedness and acceptance of the self and others via curiosity and wonder.
How does self-critique impact the youth?
Examples:
- A student at school consciously or subconsciously compares their grades with another peer to evaluate how well they are doing. This leaves them feeling inadequate about themselves and their academic successes. It may even create more competition in the classroom, leading to feelings of isolation.
- After making a mistake, a teen becomes self-critical about themselve and believes that they cannot do anything right.
- A young adult consciously or subconsciously compares their appearance with a celebrity on social media to analyze if they look good enough based on a trending standard.
How does self-compassion impact the youth?
Examples:
- After not getting the grades that you feel proud of getting:
- Recognize that you tried your best (self-validation).
- Identify the areas you wish to practice to improve (self-reflection).
- Congratulate your peers for doing well (acceptance and validation of others).
- Consider asking them for support (interconnectedness).
- After making a mistake:
- Recognize that you did the best with what you could at the time (self-validation).
- Take a step back and identify what didn’t go the way you wanted (self-reflection).
- what support you need to try again (self-help).
- If you find yourself engaging in comparisons on beauty standards:
- Recognize the beauty that others hold is valuable (acceptance and celebration of others).
- Recognize that we are all made differently, with different abilities, appearances, and more (self-acceptance).
Why Does it Matter?
In a world of competition and comparisons, it is no surprise that feelings of isolation and worthlessness can arise. We may tend to feel ashamed of not being “good enough” for a constructed standard that directly defines our worth. In the midst of trying to create a persona that enhances our self-image, we can become prone to inward and outward judgment, where the inner critic lingers to remind us that we need to be “more than enough” to belong and feel accepted.In order to reach a standard, we tend to self-evaluate and find ways to prove our worth- to a system, a community, or a culture- just to avoid rejection/to feel accepted.
Self-compassion invites us to form a relationship with ourselves that is void of judgment, harsh criticism and shame.By cultivating an attitude that aims to establish a connection with the self as opposed to judging, shaming or critiquing oneself for mistakes, we may be able to develop more long-term self-compassion for ourselves. Self-compassion can help to build character, resilience and self-advocacy for the long-term.
Integrating ways to become compassionate towards ourselves is a bridge to self-acceptance, which may help us to grow more tolerant, open-minded and curious to those around us.
Reflection questions:
- What does self-compassion look like to you?
- In what ways do you engage in/hope to engage in the practice?
How can youth practice self-compassion?
- Setting meaningful boundaries: Understanding that discipline and self-respect are interwoven concepts that can help to protect oneself from feeling inadequate.
- Modeling the acts of self-compassion:Coming up with simple and sustainable ways to give back to the self
- Self-Inquiry: Reflecting on the purpose and impact of comparisons.
- What purpose isthis comparison serving you?
- Iscomparing beneficial to you and to others around you?
- How does it make you feel when you do compare? Is it cultivating a sense of interconnectedness?
By practicing self-compassion, teens and young adults can navigate their developmental years with more confidence and resilience, leading to more connection and acceptance for the long-term.
